survival

Style: Poetry

Statement: Through "survival," I aim to exemplify the idea of how death is a concept that becomes more and more common as the speaker grows up, to the point where they feel numb.

i used to be scared of death

and what he brought —

maybe it had to do with the fact

that death was a man. 

you were always crying

around men as a baby mom 

laughs. i used to be scared 

of death and emotions

tied up like a ribbon around it.

i imagine the ribbon is pink,

as if death takes the form 

of a coquette pinterest account.

I used to be scared of death:

my salty tears.

the static. the wails that pierce my ears. the phones ringing—

the smiles that stretch the corners of my mouth so far

it feels like i am about to

rip my entire face off, from pierced earlobe

to septum

to earlobe. i used to be

scared of death: an aura of almost-black—

mixed with dandelion yellow

cerulean and oaky brown—

until death turned into a dull

blue, as familiar as afternoon sky. 

i am no longer scared of death

because breathing is worse

seeing the souls escape bodies—

our elaborate escape rooms—

is worse

crying, wailing, screaming

with everyone else is worse.

swallowing down the saltiness is worse

and even worse when the pain stays

feeling invisible spiders crawl up my arms, staying awake 

the entire night is worse. visiting

gray tombstones fading

in the beloved past tense is worse.

anxiously waiting for death

to collect me is

worse. i am not scared 

of dying. what scares me most is

living.